Counting His Grey Hair

         This is one of my favourite poems I wrote during my month long stay in an Indian village. Living with a rural family miles form the city meant I lived every minute of the village life that was so new and overwhelming to me.

As I sat by the fire

Stirring the spatula about

He sat looking at me

With a question in his head.

Curious, just like the rest

About everything that is me

More so of whether

I’m married and have kids.

My answers more than startled

His very being

A girl so grown

Lives so with no husband!

“What’s your age?”, he asks

With more questions in his head

“Twenty”, I answer

As he scratches his fully grey head.

All questions lost

He loudly thinks

“How old am I?

I’ve lost all track!”.

Counting his grey hair

Perhaps his age be known

But then the thought struck

Deny him his free life so?

THE MOUNTAINS AND THE ICY RIVER

The "Machchapuchchre" peak of the Himalayan mountains in Nepal

I feel the Freedom locked inside my Heart
Freed to touch the mountains and the icy river
Touching all that it wants to touch
When the chains are dissolved
In a jump off that platform of restriction, rules and roles.
Forgetting all that's called Life of just movement
From one day to another.
But I lived that very Life
From one experience to another.

NO!
Don't bring me back.
Your calm authoritative voice pulls me back.
My Freedom sucked into my vacuumed Heart.
Sealed to be unheard.
You Smile, thinking, believing I've given up on my Dreams and Hopes of Freedom.
NO!
You forget
My Freedom is sealed
But, preserved... living...
Only growing stronger.
You shall see
I shall fly again
Flying high touching the mountains and the icy river

Choose To Step In

Where is this free society they spoke of?
A society I dreamt of
A society promised to me
In silent voices, growing louder
And stronger.
I walked in through the door
Only to find that the door
Was only within
The Society... within?
Only talk, talk, talk.
More talk and passion.
They say actions speak louder  than words
Somehow my heart wants to talk
It looks for comrades,
Those who thirst for true freedom.
Freedom from dogma, prejudice, hate,
Expectations, bias, anger...
Maybe, just maybe
I can find enough to...
To see the dream coming to reality.

Maybe, just maybe
I stop waiting and start creating
a free society for all those
who choose to step in.

When The Eyes Went Dead - II

            

Continued from When The Eyes Went Dead - I

            We waited a little longer to see if the medicine we gave him would work its magic. It did not! He still couldn’t eat or move. He could only let out weak cries every few minutes that just broke my heart. We called up the vet and decided to take him to the clinic. While my mother was getting everything ready to take Tie to the clinic, I sat with him.

            When I felt a little blue or a little alone I knew I always had Tie. I would sit beside him and he would patiently listen to everything I said as if he understood me. Maybe he did, even if he didn’t he always managed to make me feel so much better somehow.

            I felt so helpless sitting beside him, knowing I could do nothing to stop his pain.

           The vet said Tie was suffering from an odd stomach infection, and so he wasn’t able to eat anything. This only made him weaker and gave him a high fever. When my mother asked him how long would it be before Tie would be alright, the vet looked at both of us with an odd expression and said “his condition is deteriorating, I can not say much right now.”

          I and my mother didn’t say it, but we both knew what he meant. He put a needle in Tie’s vein and gave him saline drips, to help him regain a little energy. All I could do was stand there, looking at Tie helplessly lying on the vet’s examination table. After a few minutes I couldn’t even look at Tie without tears filling up my eyes and blurring my vision.

           When we returned home Tie seemed a lot better. The vet’s injections had worked, so we decided to keep him in his usual spot, right outside the door, cozily tucked between the wall and the shoe rack. We laid him comfortably down in his favourite black blanket and went inside to have dinner.

           After about an hour I heard Tie scratch at the door, the sound that I had gotten so used to. I knew he wanted to get back inside the house. When I opened the door I saw he stood there as if he was at a loss of words for what was happening. He had tilted his right leg, the leg where he had received the saline drips, in a manner that I had never seen before. I looked closer and then I saw it. The saline had come out through the puncture the needle had created.

         I was perplexed; I didn’t know what to do. My mother immediately called the vet and he said “for most animals the body doesn’t accept foreign elements such as Saline drips. Hence, it expels it out.” That was it! His job was done. He did nothing else to help my Tie, he did nothing else to help us.

        After this Tie become much weaker and could hardly even give out cries of pain. We brought him inside and my mother lad him right next to her bed. We sat with him for a long long time. When you know a loved one is in so much suffering and needs you, time ceases to exist. Hours went by, sitting next to Tie. I had never prayed so hard, ever in my life.

         I wasn’t ready for him to go away yet. I had to finish school, join college, get a degree and join my dream job. I always imagined he would be at the door, waiting for me when I came back from work. Sitting next to him, all memories came back to me in a flash.

           

WALKING OUT THE ROOM

The blades of the fan
Journey in their unending cycle
around its axis, above my head.
The closed doors and windows
Lock me inside this room of words and lessons.
I look in front, at the very source;
The authority who takes it for granted
That I come to his territory for knowledge.
Sitting at the same spot for years
Teaching new citizens brimming with youth and vigour,
With monotony that overpowers
The unique young souls dreaming in this very room.

I look around at the juvenile faces,

Caged Inside a World of Words

The acceptance on their tranquil visages
Creates a panic in the depths of my soul.
Do they not see it?
Do they not feel it in their bones?
Use your voice!
These words, these opinions.
All that we are told to know,
Is it enough? Is it relevant?
Question them!
Question them again and again!

Not inside, but outside these walls
The reality calls me,
The truth is waiting to be discovered.
How can I sit idle amongst these souls
    deaf to the cries of the world?
How can I listen to these words
    long lost their meaning?
Years of monotony hasn't changed the reality.
Years of knowledge hasn't changed our flaws.
Then why am I wrong when I cry for a change?

These concrete walls can
    no longer lock my dreams in.
The closed doors and windows can
    no longer blind me from the truth.
His voice can no longer drown the screams outside.
I stand up amidst the sighs of surprise.
Walking out the room, I free my soul,
I welcome the change, I finally live my life.

I AM NOT A REBEL

I am not a rebel
But what I feel is wrong is just not right.
How can I be expected to nod
When my soul is screaming out NO!
You think you have a hold over me
Just because of the years you own.
But my dear its not how long you have lived,
But how you have lived that counts.

My lack of years are made up by my soul
These eyes of mine see what you don't
What you push away as insignificant
Glows with its utmost shine in my eyes.
You put on a stern frown to show your authority
But I in smiles live,
Because what I see as life, you can comprehend never.

I have tried my best to show you
What secrets this life has revealed to me
But you ignore, avoid and overlook
Saying I am just a young rebel talking no sense.

You lay so much importance to petty things
And command I do so too.
But tell me my dear how can I?
How can I dedicate my life to petty things
When life waits for me with open arms.
I am not a rebel,
But I am a lover.
Thirsty for what life has to show to me.

I wish I had enough words
To make you understand what I mean.
I don't mean to offend, annoy or protest
But I cannot agree when my soul disagrees now can I?
You think what is in front of you is of importance,
But I know what is inside is more.
I am not a rebel,
But I am a lover
Only listening to my heart like all lovers do.

Sorry for Today... Promise it gets Better

     This is a public apology to all those who have messaged me and called me, and tried their very best to reach me but in vain. I know I haven’t responded well to your messages and calls, or rather haven’t responded at all. I am truly sorry!
    I do this not intentionally, but I do this because I am young. Right now, this very moment in my life is very crucial to what I shall be for the rest of my life. What i do today will decide who I will be tomorrow. That is why I am always somewhere doing something, that seems insignificant to the common eye, but means something to mine.
     Being so inexperienced it is also hard for me to manage things. More stress laid on management of time. That is why I need you to bear with me now. This is how it is now, but I promise it will get better, I will get better. I am young and on my path to learning.
     I hold all my friends close to my heart. That is why even though I may not stay in close contact with you now, but I am confident that I hold you dear in my heart. With all the love you have for me, I ask you to forgive me for what I do now and stay with me until the better tomorrow....